


Move Oolong, Nothing to Tea Here

by greenikat89



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Tea, no relationships - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 14:53:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13720032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenikat89/pseuds/greenikat89
Summary: Inspired by The Force Awakens Kinkmeme: Everyone thinks Hux is into something really kinky in his down time based on how secretive he is about the parcels he gets in plain packages.Turns out it's not kinky sexy toys and kinky sex that help Hux relax, it's tea.  He belongs to a club that sends out samples of posh tea from all around the galaxy for him to sample and then review them.Kylo finds this far more disturbing than the idea of Hux and kinky sex.





	Move Oolong, Nothing to Tea Here

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all, so I was browsing TFA kinkmeme and there was this general request that popped up. So I filled it with a drabble than my usual longer, sprawling stories. No pairings in this one unless you squint and see one-sided Kylo/Hux.
> 
> Full link to prompt here: https://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/5217.html?thread=11948385#cmt11948385

Hux defensively hunched his shoulders. “It’s tea.” His whole body screamed ‘get out of my office’ as he looked anywhere but at Kylo.

 Kylo, long since used to Hux’s anger, ignored him in favor of picking up one of the delicate cups out of its plain box with his thumb and forefinger. “Sex pollen tea?” He gave the cup a curious sniff. It smelled faintly of peppermint and a sharp perfume he couldn’t place.

 “What?” Hux was momentarily derailed from his angry thoughts. “ _Why_ would it be _sex pollen tea_?” he snapped. “That doesn’t even exist.” Hux did not stomp, but walked, very powerfully over to Kylo and snatched the cup out of his hands.

 “ _I_ don’t know. Why are _you_ sneaking around as if you have some sort of…of contraband?” Kylo snapped back to meet Hux’s level of agitation. At least that was familiar than…whatever this was. He didn’t like being confused; it made his skin prickle uncomfortably as if he had too much excess energy thrumming through his nerves.

 Hux set the cup down on his desk next to the other wrapped boxes. “It is a special blend of tea in the Axyum system from a planet that doesn’t exist anymore,” he said crisply. “Not that you would care about that,” he muttered more to himself as an afterthought.  As if Kylo had any discerning taste for tea.

 Silence reigned in the small office while Kylo tried, and failed, to come to terms with the fact that Hux _wasn’t_ in some sort of secret, kinky mail order sex toy club. He tried, and failed some more, to come to terms with the fact that he was disappointed by that. “But…you always disappear when you receive one of these unmarked packages,” he said after awhile.

 “Because it’s _none of your business_ what I do on my own time,” Hux exploded. The sleek looking teapot rattled on its tray when the General forcefully set it down. “I am _allowed_ to have my small pleasures. Reviewing tea is the _one thing_ that I have on this stars forsaken ship when everyone demands my time as the General of the First Order.”

 Kylo’s brows immediately snapped down into a baffled scowl. “You review _tea_?”

 Heat suffused Hux’s cheeks, which he knew made his skin look an unsightly mottled red color. “GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!” he bellowed and shoved at Kylo’s chest.

 The Knight let himself be forced out of the room, not due to Hux, but because it was just _too odd_ to visualize the usually uptight General leisurely sipping expensive tea to review it on the Holonet.

 The blaster doors quickly closed behind him after Hux pushed him out, but Kylo’s mind was already on other things than the angrily muttering General. He wondered if he could find some of those tea review videos. Just because Hux wasn’t kinky didn’t mean that Kylo wasn’t.


End file.
